Another One Shot Poem.

I keep searching for that moment.

I had it once.

I thought I had it always.

It wasn't you.

It was something else.

It wasn't us.

I had it once.

I thought I had us always.

Random Thoughts

Sometimes I drink to cry.

I see the world with clarity and sadness through wine-soaked spectacles.

Sometimes I drink to cry.

Toxic masculinity means it is hard to feel and express my pain and sadness in the full light of daytime sobriety.

I need another small drink and another small drink to make it okay.

Only then do I let it out.

My Grampa, My Gramma, My Grampa, My Friend, My Friend, My Kitty, My Friend, My Dad, MY Kitty, My Friend, My Friend finally can be mourned.

I see the world with an open heart and an open mind at night, by myself, surrounded by media of my choosing.

I envelope myself in heartfelt expressions of love and sadness. 

In the daylight these are scared away.

Now, they live.

Sometimes I drink to cry.

Sometimes I drink to write and  cry and say goodbye.

A Few Thoughts for My Friend Janny-Pat

Dammit Janet, I love you.

It's an old movie line, but also a truth.

I love you Janny-Pat. Now, and before, and always.

I met you during the embers of my youth. I wasn't fully formed, but I was excited and excitable and you pointed me in the right direction.

Every memory I have of our time together is a stepping stone. I built upon your intelligence and kindness and love each year.

I owe you a debt that cannot be repaid. I owe you much of where I am today.

That sounds cliche, or tired or an overabundance of praise.

It is not.

You took me from childish things to adult understanding. You let me know what the world was and could be. I can never thank you enough.

You are gone from my present, but rooted in my forever.

I love you Janny-Pat.

I always will