Day 9: Making the old new again

I love to listen to the same song over and over again. I will watch the same movie time and again, instead of renting a new one. I have watched certain t.v. series multiple times. And this is not because I am easily amused--although I am. It is because I discover new things with each listening, with each watching, with each experience.

Perhaps this is just reader response theory 101, that the text is always a synthesis of the words and the reader, and when the text is read the reader changes so a re-read is a new experience. Maybe it is being an introvert and preferring my own head space to almost anything else. Watching something new means I have to find someone to discuss it with, to fulfill the social experience. If I rewatch something, I can have that conversation with myself.

This brings me to the latest tune I am beating into the ground, "Morning Moon" by the Tragically Hip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTR9zohx058

Fucking great.

Speaking of great, this is also fucking great:
http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/john_hodgman_s_brief_digression.html

Go forth and do something again, for the first time.

Day 8.5: Is Tiger the greatest athlete of all time?

Say it with me people: "Tiger is not an athlete".

Okay, that's unfair. He might be. Unfortunately he plays golf so we will never know. He is incredibly talented, and great under pressure, but HE PLAYS GOLF. To be in the conversation about athletic prowess you need to be involved in a sport that takes athletic prowess--it's not a complicated formula. I won't say golf isn't difficult, sure it is. But, so are darts, bowling and poker and they sure as fuck don't require athletic ability.

So, talk about Tiger's golf greatness. Talk about Tiger's ability to perform under pressure. But, please please please do not bring up 'athlete' and Tiger until he gives up golf and starts a sport involving extreme physicality. And for the stupid argument that golf is an athletic endeavour because it takes some coordination and mental toughness, so does ever other sport in the world. Plus, they take athletic ability.

Tiger=great golfer
Tiger=incredible under pressure
Tiger might = athlete, but we don't know that because he golfs.

Day 8: One thing my Mother told me that I know to be true

As it turns out, sticking your finger in your eye is a bad idea.

Fuck, my eye is bugging me.

And I don't suspect itching it more, or rooting around in it again will help.

Day 7: Even Harder than Math

A comment on my last post suggested this blog has changed since the first few posts. This was said in jest, but it makes me question what this blog is really about. It is about compelling myself to write every day, but what else?

To answer this I pick up from the last line of the previous post, which said something about remembering and forgetting. This is a line from someone much smarter and, more importantly, much wiser than me who said 'life is a game of remembering and forgetting'. And not to overstate things, but this is one of the truest things I've ever heard. This leads to the next question: what am I trying to remember that I continue to forget?

There are many answers to this, depending on the day, the time, my mood, etc. Right now it is to remember to enjoy this moment. This doesn't mean shirking all responsibility in favour of napping and watching t.v. It is both more serious and more profound than that. It means learning to be present in your life, and to enjoy each experience, at the moment it happens without falling into the easy trap of projecting ourselves into the future of where we want to be. It means learning to enjoy writing this silly little blog, independent of readership or commentary. It means finding the joy and embodied exuberance in hard work. It means enjoying whatever the present moment brings.

It is this experience of the present that allows understanding and appreciation of difficult times. It is hard to learn the lessons of life when you are constantly engaged in fantasy. This is not to say that being present is a panacea for all grief and heartache, or that fantasy isn't an important tool of the imagination. And disassociation is preferable in the most extreme situations. I am not a monk, nor have the inclination to try to follow that path so I wouldn't suggest being present in moments of exquisite pain and suffering. But perhaps being present in more moments would allow us to realize that we can experience joy and satisfaction in times and places we normally use to disconnect. Maybe I can find joy in the moments of working I used to dread. And if I can do that, maybe hard work becomes more than something to get through, and can become something to engage in.

And that is much harder than math.

Day 6: Math is Hard

Today I am continuing, after many starts and stops, my project of working a bit each and every day. Too often I have put off work because I did not have hours and hours to dedicate to reading and writing. But, as it turns out, if you work for only half an hour every day in a week you would have a half day of work accomplished. And for all of us semi-professional procrastinators (ie Grad Students) 3.5 hours of reading and writing is most of a book, or several articles, or a few pages of writing. Perhaps this is why I dropped out of sciences in my undergrad. I couldn't multiply 30 x 7 and realize that 210 minutes is enough to accomplish something. In my defence most of my undergrad I was drunk or hungover or actively disinterested in learning.

So, today I remembered, tomorrow I might forget, but life is all about remembering and forgetting.

Day 5: Up and at 'Em

You know what is a great way to get yourself going in the morning? Try getting yourself going. It seems so obvious now that I write it. Maybe Nike was on to something-'Just Do It'. Wow, this changes everything. This could revolutionize morning routines everywhere. Get up, have a shower, get dressed, just get yourself going.

What!?! This is the normal routine for every working person in the world. Huh, interesting.

Um, never mind.

Graduate Students: reiterating the blatantly obvious since Plato.

Day 4: D! Fence! D! Fence!

I am up nice and early. Some, me for instance, might say too early. But I have a couple hours left to prepare for my comp defence. I probably hoped sometime in my naive youth that I wouldn't be preparing last minute, once I reached my PhD. I guess we all have to play to our strengths. Especially if we are uninterested in personal or professional growth. And really, if grad school is about anything else, it is about extending the period of youth when personal growth isn't a priority for many years.

I come to this comp of two minds. I am happy for the progress and for the praise I yearn for so greatly. (Nice call in the comments, mysterious, and I assume handsome, stranger). But, I also fear the closing of my adolescence and the horizon of adulthood. And I mean real adulthood, where work, finances, and family commitments are forefronted; not the faux adulthood of academic blowhards who think critically analyzing everything and everyone is a marker of being grown up.

As it turns out, being an adult is more about accepting frailty in yourself and others, than pointing it out. And for someone who has built his life on exposing, and mocking the failures of himself, and others, growing into adulthood does not play to my strengths.

So, wish me luck but not godspeed. I need a couple more years of self-absorption before I'm ready to be the person my Dad was at 20.

For Fuck's sake, I'm not even 40 yet, give me some time.

Day 3: the downside of mental work

I feel like fried ass. I can't get my shit together enough to work. Perhaps I am just being lazy and making myself feel better, but reading and writing while sick is a huge stumbling block for me. Maybe I should nap. Maybe I should tell my spouse I can't go out this evening, so I can prepare for my defence tomorrow. Or maybe, just maybe, I should stop listening to podcasts and writing inane blog posts and do the work. Bold I know.

argh.

Day 2 Post: Besides Me, What is this blog about?

The simple answer: I don't know.

People, despite what they think, are terrible predictors of their own future. And, being a people, so am I. I want this blog to serve a purpose for myself. I want to practice writing daily, follow that time honoured tradition that writers, write. Of course, as my 'about me' says, I am not a real writer. But, writing is a big part of the job of academics, and a skill I have taken forgranted for far too long. I don't know what I will write each day on this thing, or if it will be interesting to anyone but me, but I am going to write, edit, and re-edit posts. In short, this blog is a space to practice writing.

Could I do a journal? Sure. And I do sometimes. But I hope this causes me to practice more frequently.

Happy Monday everyone.

Bring It On

And by it, I mean narcissism.

More posts regarding me to follow.