Creation

The day I understood creation I shit on the floor of my basement apartment and slipped in my own piss trying to avoid arrest.

This is a true story.

I didn't just understand creation that day. I experienced it.

All of time and space congealed into a resonance that was undeniable.

I don't know if it was true, but it felt like it was.

Truth is tricky like that. Sometimes lies feel true, and sometimes the truth feels like a lie.

That day I didn't just feel or think.

I knew.

I saw past everyone and everything and knew what lay beyond perception and consciousness and the surface of everyday interactions.

The mushrooms helped.

It still informs my present. I still feel connected to that moment despite the hazy reality of faded memory and the reality of lost friends. Through this lens my lost friends are still here. Nathan and  Clint sit in my consciousness and in the reality of the universe.

In this moment I believe the Buddhists. Reality is pure consciousness. Maybe that's not true. But, pure consciousness is all we can understand and experience.

That day I experienced it all. I was happy and sad and awed and humbled. I saw beyond the veil to all of time and space. And, I tried to go to sleep by rushing past a cop, while avoiding my own feces and slipped on some pee and ended up in the local hospital tied to a bed for my own safety.

Waking to my 'real' conscious world was as big of a mind fuck as any of the rest. I hold that to me as well. The conscious mind is a tricky and magnificent beast. It is capable of so much and so little at the same time.

We find ourselves in the in-betweens.

We are only us and we and I and me in the gaps.

But those cracks are too often glossed over or covered up.

I implore you to let the light come in. (Thanks Leonard).
I implore you to let the cracks do their work.

I'm embarrassed by my body and the nudity and the shit and the piss.

I'm eternally grateful for the hint of divinity that day.