Who am I?

I'm the type of man who wants to live without attachments and experience the world as Zen contemplation.

I'm actually the type of man who is easily hurt and prone to displays of passive aggression.

I'm the type of man who wants to live a spartan life of rigor, small tastes and stoicism.

I'm actually the type of man who prefers watching modern Spartans clash while eating ice cream in my underwear.

I'm the type of man who wants to take his coffee black.

I'm actually the type of man who likes cream and sugar and a lot of chocolate syrup in my poor man's mocha.

I'm the type of man who wants to be a black belt in Judo.

I'm actually the type of man who stopped going when I got older, tired and received my brown belt.

I'm the type of man who never wants to say "good enough".

I'm actually the type of man who.......actually, I just covered this.

I'm the type of man who wants to be unconcerned with being handsome or chiseled.

I'm actually the type of man who can't let go of that childhood memory of looking different and feeling out of place.

I'm the type of man who wants to be able to fix cars, and sinks and trouble shoot appliances.

I'm actually the type of man who needs a brother-in-law to fix his truck, google and repeated attempts to fix sinks and a consumer culture of disposable appliances to replace broken toasters.

I'm the type of man who wants to be above praise, congratulations and adoration.

I'm actually the type of man who just wants to show off.

I'm the type of man who wants to be an intellectual and academic giant.

I'm actually the type of man who wastes too much time navel gazing and writing meaningless blog posts in hopes of instant gratification.

I'm the type of man who wants to know when it is enough.

I'm actually the type of man who doesn't know when I should have stopped--the last set was better, I think.

I'm also the type of man who can't stick to format or be happy with what I've done.

Or, is that just the type of guy I want to be and secretly I love all praise and am too rigid too often?

Now, I'm confused.

Such is the danger of self-exploration and building a narrative of self.