To have, or not to have.

During one of many procrastination trips to Facebook I read a post about adults who decided not to have children. Predictably the comment section was the most entertaining, and infuriating. Some overgrown adolescents claimed not having kids as a moral and ethical victory. Parents, too late to the idea of a childless adulthood, looked down from their tired eyes at the others for their immaturity.

It was the best kind of comment section--exasperating and easily dismissed.

It's the kind of thing that let's me get uppity, and throw around big words and misplaced intelligence. It continually amazes me that apparently grown men and women still obsess over the correctness of an original choice. Few things in life are simply correct or incorrect. That's the fundamental immaturity in these comments. If you have kids, or don't, it is a choice--understanding there are exceptions and complications. The choice doesn't determine the worth of your decision. For every argument for, and against, having kids there is an valid counter-argument.

This is the simple, wonderful, and awful truth of life--choice matters little and behaviour matters most. I am a Dad. Being a Father was easy. You just need to knock up some unsuspecting lass. Being a Dad is hard work. It is continual, constant and rarely publicly gratifying. It is a choice, with follow-through. Choosing is relatively easy. Choosing, and following through is hard.

Parenthood is rarely celebrated appropriately. I didn't really appreciate my dad until he died: http://buddydudeguy.blogspot.ca/2013/05/a-dark-night-that-sheds-light-still.html

But, I did appreciate him. Parenting means playing the long game. It means trusting in a process you can't see finished. It isn't for everyone. If you choose to have kids, enjoy the squeals of delight at their adorability. It may see you through the sleepless nights. If you choose to have kids, enjoy the new community of sleep-addled and confused semi-adults. They are your people now.

If you don't have kids, relax. You've picked an easier path in many ways. But, the fact you have, or haven't, moved from one category of life to another isn't important. And, it sure as fuck isn't an indicator of your worth. Lots of people confuse this. I moved from a childless status, to being a parent. This didn't change my worth a person. Too many people don't get this.

And, it isn't the same for everyone. Some people move from childless to parenthood and it turns out to be a terrible idea. Some people never have kids, but definitely should have. These cultural markers are not exact, nor definitive.

Please figure your own shit out, and don't assume your choice is correct for all of us.