Words I hate: Part Three

'Passion'

There are an over-abundance of self-improvement / motivational blogs insisting that passion is the key to happiness, money, self-acceptance, joy, fulfillment and a life worth living.

I'm here to say, for most of us, this is complete and utter shit.

The majority of us discover our 'passion' in youth. It's the easiest time for something untenable to fuse every part of our growing selves. Unfortunately, this happened when we were young and stupid. Maybe we weren't stupid. But we were ignorant. We had no sense of proportion. We had no idea of scope.

For me, it was hockey. I knew, I fucking knew, I was going to be a professional goalie when I grew up.

Like so many things from my childhood I was dead fuck wrong.

The odds your childhood passion matches perfectly with your upbringing, genetic gifts, future circumstances and is infused with the lottery levels of luck needed to pursue that dream is quite slim--like Kate Moss with an eating disorder on a coke binge slim. (That's a super current pop culture reference for the kids out there). Statistically, it won't happen. Okay, statistically, it is very, very, very, very, very, unlikely to happen. We hear about every one of those long shots. We know about all the NHLers who worked hard and persevered and tried harder than others. But that isn't enough. Sometimes, you can't pursue your passion. Sometimes, you need to quit. Sometimes, maybe most times, you need to realize you can't beat the odds.

Of course, there are bright, educated and thoughtful people out there that pursue this line of thinking with more nuance and understanding of life's realities. Ken Robinson's work on education and finding 'the element' is an example. He realizes your passion (the element) is key to happiness. He also understands that this might have no financial or employment-related reward.

My probable-element, hockey, still makes me happy. It also drives me nuts and brings out the worst in me. But nothing feels better than a great game in goal. Sadly, it isn't the thing I'm best at. That is the infuriating part about pursuing a passion. It forefronts something that captured my imagination when I had no realistic sense of self. As a five and a half foot goalie I was never going to make the NHL. I had mediocre reflexes and lacked the financial support to pursue top level coaching. I had zero chance. Yet, it is still the thing I am most passionate about. I am a reasonably level guy. But I will scream and yell and throw shit during a Cup run. I wasn't in Vancovuer during the last riots, but I get it. Hockey is part of my ego, part of my self, like nothing else. It is passion without adult understanding.

It is total bullshit.

I'm a better Judoka, academic, writer, Zamboni operator and teacher than I am a goalie. I appreciate my skills in these things. I like being a good Judoka. I love the moment when I open a first year university student's mind to realities they hadn't considered. But I love hockey. It is my passion.

And because of that hard truth, I hate it a bit too--with a passion.