Sure Signs You've Entered Middle-Age

It's hard to know if you're an adult.

And, it's especially hard to know when you've really grown-up.

So, I've put together a few easy indicators to let you know that you are middle-aged and can forget about the ifs and whens.

1) When someone asks your age you have to do math.

2) Per square inch your body hair has increased, but in all the wrong places. (Note: this indicator skews male).

3) Learning stuff, especially new pronouns, sends you into a frothing rage.

4) You wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep because you think you might have forgotten your high school locker combination.
 - Not a problem for me: 59-27-14

5) Sex, like Communism, is a great idea in theory.

6) You see a Dad bod meme and think, "I used to be that ripped".

7) You still use "ripped".

8) You are sure music, films, t.v. and video games were all better when you were a kid.

9) You have forgotten about New Kids on the Block, Police Academy, Joanie Loves Chachi and Dig Dug.

10) Your life is more taken with ruminating, nostalgia and 'what may have been' than what might come to pass.

11) You still think Jordan was better than Lebron, Gretzky was better than Crosby and Messi needs to win a World Cup to really prove his greatness.

12) The mirror is your sworn enemy.

13) A few times per year you hear about a massive cultural event and have no idea what is going on.

14) You worry a lot about fibre.

15) Sitting on the floor is restricted to a board game with your kids, or a half hour situation comedy. A full movie on the floor leaves you as sore as a workout used to.

16) You are so unconcerned with impressing people that you only shower when you start to itch.

17) You can no longer distinguish anyone between 15 and 25 and think of them all as cute little kids.

18) You've had at least one parent die and one serious health scare and you fully understand and are okay with the end game being death. You find this takes a lot of pressure off.

19) You're pretty sure with a break here, or a little luck there, you could have been famous and rich and important.

20) You can no longer watch a Pixar movie without weeping.

21) You absolutely refuse to call Star Wars "Episode IV" Because IT IS GD FUCKING STAR WARS!!!!!!!!!

22) You think Yoda's syntax is fine.

23) You remember when you could stump the Internet.

24) Every decade you think, 40 isn't that old, 50 isn't that old, 60 isn't.......

25) You are pretty sure kids these days are terrible, only because you don't remember all the idiot children you grew up with (and probably were).

26) At least once per month you learn of a massive cultural phenomenon which you've never heard of and are totally baffled by.

27) You tend to repeat yourself.

28) You don't care about ending lists on even round numbers.