Amongst the things that makes me, me is that I am a short term obsessive. I do not have anything in my life I am continously enthralled by, but I am prone to bouts of obsession over a huge variety of things.
Lately, the topics of my affection have been, hip hop artists (especially Jay-Z and the RZA), hockey retirement ceremonies (especially Bobby Orr, Wayne Gretzky and Trevor Linden), and linux distributions (Linux Mint 6 is sweet). These topics have exactly one thing in common--they are tools of procrastination.
Sometimes, my tools of procrastination double as useful tools--recent indoctrination into the GTD blogosphere. But mostly, they are a continuation of my theoretical fascination with people. I find people endlessly fascinating when I don't have to interact with them. Yet another reason I am in grad school.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Pop Culture Icons
Not surprisingly, most pop culture icons are grandiose blowhards, who believe too much of their own hype (for example: Bono or Madonna). But Leonard Cohen is awe-inspiring. I listened to his interview on CBC's 'Q' and it is remarkable. Poetry falls from him with such ease. One line from the interview makes sense of why I like him so much, and am bothered by so many who wish they could be like him. He always strives for "self-investigation without self-indulgence".
Of course, writing this in a blog is a warning sign of my own self-indulgence. But I try, with varying degrees of success, to emulate that spirit. I try to be self reflective, with out being self-absorbed. I don't comment on other blogs, and include a link to this in my signature. I am interested in understanding my place in the world so I can be a decent person. Naturally, this self-reflection sometimes becomes connected to ego and problems arise. But I do try.
Mostly, I just fucking love Leonard Cohen.
Of course, writing this in a blog is a warning sign of my own self-indulgence. But I try, with varying degrees of success, to emulate that spirit. I try to be self reflective, with out being self-absorbed. I don't comment on other blogs, and include a link to this in my signature. I am interested in understanding my place in the world so I can be a decent person. Naturally, this self-reflection sometimes becomes connected to ego and problems arise. But I do try.
Mostly, I just fucking love Leonard Cohen.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Day 19: What to be?
At first, I wanted to be great.
Then, I strove to be good.
Now, I struggle with being okay.
Then, I strove to be good.
Now, I struggle with being okay.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Day 18: Love and Fear of Relativity
In my, not always, humble opinion the best thing about the human experience is the ability to consciously decide it for ourselves. Conversely, it is also the worst part of our lives. Humans are able to make decisions to be happy, sad, content or envious of any situation they are in. This is not to say we are unaffected by the forces of socialization or class relations, but individually we have the option. This also means we are continuously conscious of our decisions and able to reflect on and regurgitate them in our musings, which dislocates the possibility of moving through life without regrets.
Instead of moving through time, experiencing each moment and then moving on, we bring time with us as it passes and project our hope and fear into the future. We are able to change how we see the past, how we engage with the present and how we anticipate the future because of the curse of self-consciousness. This means in quiet moments we play scenes over and over, acting them out the way we wish we had. We run scenarios of future events that will never come to pass. We spend altogether too much time in our heads, and too often forget that we interact with the world through our bodies.
The embodied experience of life has a profound experience on how we see and understand the world. Exercising makes us feel better about the world, and our relationships through the biological processes at work. And yet, I spend more time thinking about how to engage with the world then living in the world. Maybe this is the price of being an introvert, but the double edge of self-consciousness is hard for me to balance on.
What does this mean? Maybe I need counselling. Maybe I just need to get out of my head more often. Or maybe, I just need to accept the facts of living and be okay with them.
Instead of moving through time, experiencing each moment and then moving on, we bring time with us as it passes and project our hope and fear into the future. We are able to change how we see the past, how we engage with the present and how we anticipate the future because of the curse of self-consciousness. This means in quiet moments we play scenes over and over, acting them out the way we wish we had. We run scenarios of future events that will never come to pass. We spend altogether too much time in our heads, and too often forget that we interact with the world through our bodies.
The embodied experience of life has a profound experience on how we see and understand the world. Exercising makes us feel better about the world, and our relationships through the biological processes at work. And yet, I spend more time thinking about how to engage with the world then living in the world. Maybe this is the price of being an introvert, but the double edge of self-consciousness is hard for me to balance on.
What does this mean? Maybe I need counselling. Maybe I just need to get out of my head more often. Or maybe, I just need to accept the facts of living and be okay with them.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Day 17: Buddydudeguy's Guide to Music--Growing up Hip
"We Are the Same" by The Tragically Hip
I was dragged into loving the Hip by circumstances beyond my control. I drove to hockey every week with an appropriately named 'Gord' and was forced to listen. At first I really disliked it, but eventually it broke the grip Alice Cooper, Motley Crue and Guns had over me. I grew up listening to the Hip, in both senses. This newest album is an extension of that process of growing up with the Hip.
"We Are the Same" is not an album my 20 year old self could have appreciated. The band has moved beyond bludgeoning themes of life and death with overt metaphors of serial killers and the girl who got away. This Hip are subtle, sublime and exacting in their exploration of life's struggles. There is still passion and wonder and an interest in those grand themes, but they have come to understand the significance in the details. Gord and the boys tell stories that connect to my life using brushstrokes like Monet, not the broad Pollock-esque frantic colour strokes of youth.
It is an interesting experience to grow up with a band. Too many bands call experimenting with new genres (think Zooropa)growth, or consider consistency of sound a virtue--because it might be financially--and re-produce new material. And of course, the Hip aren't the only band to change and grow more subtle in both their lyrics and instrumentation but there aren't a lot that are given the chance to try. This album is sympathetic to fraility, where once the band only explored and exposed those frailities--something I am more than passingly familiar with. This is an album for grown ups, for people beyond the white and black world of youth, without becoming cynical and jaded. It is joyful and moving and delicate in its spirit.
In other words, me likey.
I was dragged into loving the Hip by circumstances beyond my control. I drove to hockey every week with an appropriately named 'Gord' and was forced to listen. At first I really disliked it, but eventually it broke the grip Alice Cooper, Motley Crue and Guns had over me. I grew up listening to the Hip, in both senses. This newest album is an extension of that process of growing up with the Hip.
"We Are the Same" is not an album my 20 year old self could have appreciated. The band has moved beyond bludgeoning themes of life and death with overt metaphors of serial killers and the girl who got away. This Hip are subtle, sublime and exacting in their exploration of life's struggles. There is still passion and wonder and an interest in those grand themes, but they have come to understand the significance in the details. Gord and the boys tell stories that connect to my life using brushstrokes like Monet, not the broad Pollock-esque frantic colour strokes of youth.
It is an interesting experience to grow up with a band. Too many bands call experimenting with new genres (think Zooropa)growth, or consider consistency of sound a virtue--because it might be financially--and re-produce new material. And of course, the Hip aren't the only band to change and grow more subtle in both their lyrics and instrumentation but there aren't a lot that are given the chance to try. This album is sympathetic to fraility, where once the band only explored and exposed those frailities--something I am more than passingly familiar with. This is an album for grown ups, for people beyond the white and black world of youth, without becoming cynical and jaded. It is joyful and moving and delicate in its spirit.
In other words, me likey.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Day 15: 10 things which are less than great about growing old as a male, which would be far more devastating if I was a woman
1) Going Bald.
2) Looking more like my Dad.
3) The most plentiful growth of hair is from my eyebrows.
4) A dangling, unsightly scrotum that can be pulled to resemble bat wings.
5) Acting more like my Dad.
6) Back and shoulder hair
7) Smelling more like my Dad.
8) Increasing flop sweat which is causing me to seriously consider using talcum powder on the aforementioned bat wings.
9) The second most plentiful growth of hair is out of my nose.
10)Finally completing my set of hair-pants with a full crop of ass hair.
2) Looking more like my Dad.
3) The most plentiful growth of hair is from my eyebrows.
4) A dangling, unsightly scrotum that can be pulled to resemble bat wings.
5) Acting more like my Dad.
6) Back and shoulder hair
7) Smelling more like my Dad.
8) Increasing flop sweat which is causing me to seriously consider using talcum powder on the aforementioned bat wings.
9) The second most plentiful growth of hair is out of my nose.
10)Finally completing my set of hair-pants with a full crop of ass hair.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Day 14: Words I hate: part one
"craft"
I fucking loathe people who use craft as a noun. As in, I'm practicing my craft, or working on my craft.
Craft has become one of those pseudo-intellectual, pseudo-meaningful words in pop culture (see also: authentic) used by actors, writers and other wanna-be creative types. Actually, that is one of the things that bugs me, the use of it by people who insist on describing themselves as 'creative'. As if they are the only fucking people in the world capable of creativity. As if my Mom wasn't creative in making a single salary stretch to meet the needs of three kids. It is the attitude of entitlement over the concept which bothers me. We are creative, and practice our craft--you just have a job. Fuck off. You have the time, energy and finances to work on your 'craft' because people like my Mom worked hard and creatively to give you have a better life than they had.
Not surprisingly, the connection of the word to actor and writer types doubles up on the pet peeve of people who describe themselves in essentialized terms, who are really describing an occupation. Generally, the lack of self understanding annoys me. And, not too surprisingly, this comes from my own journey of figuring myself out. I used to be wildly unaware of myself, how I was viewed by others and how I fit with social groups. Then I started to pull my head out of my ass, grew up a bit and then went overboard with declarations of self-actualization--re-inserted head in ass, if you will. And finally I've come back to a more reasonable position about my understanding of life. But, such are the wild pendulum swings of my learning process. Or, as Bruce Lee described it: "Before I knew the art I thought a punch was just a punch and a kick was just a kick. Once I learned the art I knew that a punch was more than a punch and a kick was more than a kick. Now that I understand the art, I know that a punch is just a punch and a kick is just a kick". So, as with all things in life--and definitely this blog--take my rants as self-soothing as much as anything. But back to craft.
Do yourselves, and me, a favour and practice your skills, work on your 'acting', 'writing' etc. Just stay away from words that seem grandiose, but are mostly smug and self absorbed. Unless you are practicing 'the' craft which is okay. Sure, it might mark you as a wingnut, but who doesn't love themselves a delightfully crazy person who worships D&D figures? I'll take a magic loving wingnut over a run of the mill narcissist any day.
I fucking loathe people who use craft as a noun. As in, I'm practicing my craft, or working on my craft.
Craft has become one of those pseudo-intellectual, pseudo-meaningful words in pop culture (see also: authentic) used by actors, writers and other wanna-be creative types. Actually, that is one of the things that bugs me, the use of it by people who insist on describing themselves as 'creative'. As if they are the only fucking people in the world capable of creativity. As if my Mom wasn't creative in making a single salary stretch to meet the needs of three kids. It is the attitude of entitlement over the concept which bothers me. We are creative, and practice our craft--you just have a job. Fuck off. You have the time, energy and finances to work on your 'craft' because people like my Mom worked hard and creatively to give you have a better life than they had.
Not surprisingly, the connection of the word to actor and writer types doubles up on the pet peeve of people who describe themselves in essentialized terms, who are really describing an occupation. Generally, the lack of self understanding annoys me. And, not too surprisingly, this comes from my own journey of figuring myself out. I used to be wildly unaware of myself, how I was viewed by others and how I fit with social groups. Then I started to pull my head out of my ass, grew up a bit and then went overboard with declarations of self-actualization--re-inserted head in ass, if you will. And finally I've come back to a more reasonable position about my understanding of life. But, such are the wild pendulum swings of my learning process. Or, as Bruce Lee described it: "Before I knew the art I thought a punch was just a punch and a kick was just a kick. Once I learned the art I knew that a punch was more than a punch and a kick was more than a kick. Now that I understand the art, I know that a punch is just a punch and a kick is just a kick". So, as with all things in life--and definitely this blog--take my rants as self-soothing as much as anything. But back to craft.
Do yourselves, and me, a favour and practice your skills, work on your 'acting', 'writing' etc. Just stay away from words that seem grandiose, but are mostly smug and self absorbed. Unless you are practicing 'the' craft which is okay. Sure, it might mark you as a wingnut, but who doesn't love themselves a delightfully crazy person who worships D&D figures? I'll take a magic loving wingnut over a run of the mill narcissist any day.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Day 12+1: The dumbest thing I ever said?
In case you are wondering, I'm not superstituous, I'm just trying out a new base 12 numbering system. I figure we should make some use out of memorizing the times tables up to 12--screw base 10 I say.
The dumbest thing I ever said? (Or, at least in the top dozen).
I was at dinner with friends a few years back, just after Leonard Cohen's son had released his first album. The first single was getting some play on Much Music and I remember being pretty into it--although having listened to it again recently, it ain't that good. I also had / have a bit of a man-crush on Leonard Cohen. There is something about a fair to moderate looking dude who still manages to be a genuine ladies man that I found quite compelling.
I was thinking about Leonard and his poetry which explores the play of the sacred and the profane and couldn't figure out why he named his son what he had. So I asked the table of friends:
"Is Adam a biblical name"?
As soon as the words were spoken I remembered. And the great thing about friends is they don't forget things like that. Especially a bunch of literature loving dorks like I was hanging out with.
The dumbest thing I ever said? (Or, at least in the top dozen).
I was at dinner with friends a few years back, just after Leonard Cohen's son had released his first album. The first single was getting some play on Much Music and I remember being pretty into it--although having listened to it again recently, it ain't that good. I also had / have a bit of a man-crush on Leonard Cohen. There is something about a fair to moderate looking dude who still manages to be a genuine ladies man that I found quite compelling.
I was thinking about Leonard and his poetry which explores the play of the sacred and the profane and couldn't figure out why he named his son what he had. So I asked the table of friends:
"Is Adam a biblical name"?
As soon as the words were spoken I remembered. And the great thing about friends is they don't forget things like that. Especially a bunch of literature loving dorks like I was hanging out with.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Day 12: Buddydudeguy's Guide to Movies
It is pretty rare that I see a movie in the theatre, although I always love it. The first few minutes of any movie are incredibly cool. They bring me back to the best parts of my youth, like watching 'Star Wars' with my family. Or watching 'Back to the Future' with my buddy Wayne and his little bro who had to sit on his lap because the movie was packed.
Last night I saw 'One Week' with Joshua Jackson. It wasn't amazingly, wonderfully awesome but it was a happy little movie. Jackson's character gets diagnosed with cancer and decides he needs to have an adventure so he buys a vintage motorcycle and drives from Toronto to Tofino. Along the way the film is an ode to Canada's landscape and over sized structures.
A couple things, in particular, struck me while watching this movie. First, if you have done this drive many times--as I have--it really bumps you when things are shot out of sequence. Although, you could argue that the road trip is a metaphor and complete continuity misses the point. But, seeing the 'Big Stick' arena located in Winnipeg instead of Duncan, BC was troubling. The other thing that occurred to me was that this movie isn't perfect. That's a bit of a duh statement, but it is more than that. This movie wasn't trying to be perfect. And it seems to me this is a real aesthetic of Canadian film-making.
If you ever watched an Atom Egoyan film you've probably seen this story telling aesthetic in action. They are vignettes of the lives of people that don't have the Hollywood story arc we are used to. There is no definitive climax, no clean denouement and no easy determination of a moral message. In other words, they are a bit more like life. This is strange for those of us raised on Hollywood blockbusters, but it is comforting as well. You don't leave the film excited, ready for battle or convinced your soul mate is in the vicinity of where you just happen to live. But you do leave quietly inspired about the beauty of life and resilience of the human spirit.
So, I give 'One Week' a worth seeing recommendation. Just be prepared for a Canadian experience and to leave the theatre not quite positive how you felt.
Last night I saw 'One Week' with Joshua Jackson. It wasn't amazingly, wonderfully awesome but it was a happy little movie. Jackson's character gets diagnosed with cancer and decides he needs to have an adventure so he buys a vintage motorcycle and drives from Toronto to Tofino. Along the way the film is an ode to Canada's landscape and over sized structures.
A couple things, in particular, struck me while watching this movie. First, if you have done this drive many times--as I have--it really bumps you when things are shot out of sequence. Although, you could argue that the road trip is a metaphor and complete continuity misses the point. But, seeing the 'Big Stick' arena located in Winnipeg instead of Duncan, BC was troubling. The other thing that occurred to me was that this movie isn't perfect. That's a bit of a duh statement, but it is more than that. This movie wasn't trying to be perfect. And it seems to me this is a real aesthetic of Canadian film-making.
If you ever watched an Atom Egoyan film you've probably seen this story telling aesthetic in action. They are vignettes of the lives of people that don't have the Hollywood story arc we are used to. There is no definitive climax, no clean denouement and no easy determination of a moral message. In other words, they are a bit more like life. This is strange for those of us raised on Hollywood blockbusters, but it is comforting as well. You don't leave the film excited, ready for battle or convinced your soul mate is in the vicinity of where you just happen to live. But you do leave quietly inspired about the beauty of life and resilience of the human spirit.
So, I give 'One Week' a worth seeing recommendation. Just be prepared for a Canadian experience and to leave the theatre not quite positive how you felt.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Day 10: So, you're a writer are you?
Amongst the many pet peeves I have, because I tend towards pettiness, is random people claiming they are writers when they don't write for a living, or publish any of their writing. And no, self publishing a blog, or donating your writing to a free website that is desperate for content does not count. They both count as places to improve your writing skills, but just writing things doesn't make you a writer--just like telling a convincing lie doesn't make you an actor.
Put simply, writers, actors, musicians, artists are all names of professions. If your primary income comes from one of these things then feel free to introduce yourself as such. Or, preferably introduce yourself with your name and let people discover the variety of things that makes you interesting. And, if asked about what you do, try "I am graduate student, which lets me pay the bills and will lead to my career, but what I am really passionate about is writing". This sort of introduction has two benefits. First, you don't come off as a pompous self-deluded ass who insults the ability and efforts of the many talented writers who work very hard to scrape out a living at it. Second, by using the phrase 'what I am really passionate about' I know to extricate myself from the conversation and begin ignoring your existence.
But, to be slightly more serious I have a fundamental problem with these sorts of self descriptions. I don't think the world needs to be separated into descriptions of 'self as commodity', but that doesn't mean the only other answer is essentializing bullshit. I'm a writer. I'm an actor. I'm a singer. These are all immature self-descriptions. Try being a well-rounded and reasonable human being (says the dude who describes himself as leaning towards pettiness). If you love writing, and it is important to you, then fucking say that. If you really wish to be a writer but have another job, then say that too. Nobody will think less of you--and by nobody I mean no reasonable adult--if you say "I really want to be a singer, it's the thing that excites me most in life but I work as a teacher to pay the bills". See, not so tough and now you sound like you understand that life is more complicated than one word descriptions of a person's essence.
I just would love if people had some sense of themselves, and gave some thoughts to their place in the world. I like role-playing games. Does that mean if I was hanging out with Tom Hanks and Bobby DeNiro I should claim to be an actor too? Of course not, that is self-aggrandizing and insulting to them. Maybe that's a big part of my pet peeve--people who so casually insult the people around them, without knowing it. If you are going to insult someone, be deliberate. That's my move.
Put simply, writers, actors, musicians, artists are all names of professions. If your primary income comes from one of these things then feel free to introduce yourself as such. Or, preferably introduce yourself with your name and let people discover the variety of things that makes you interesting. And, if asked about what you do, try "I am graduate student, which lets me pay the bills and will lead to my career, but what I am really passionate about is writing". This sort of introduction has two benefits. First, you don't come off as a pompous self-deluded ass who insults the ability and efforts of the many talented writers who work very hard to scrape out a living at it. Second, by using the phrase 'what I am really passionate about' I know to extricate myself from the conversation and begin ignoring your existence.
But, to be slightly more serious I have a fundamental problem with these sorts of self descriptions. I don't think the world needs to be separated into descriptions of 'self as commodity', but that doesn't mean the only other answer is essentializing bullshit. I'm a writer. I'm an actor. I'm a singer. These are all immature self-descriptions. Try being a well-rounded and reasonable human being (says the dude who describes himself as leaning towards pettiness). If you love writing, and it is important to you, then fucking say that. If you really wish to be a writer but have another job, then say that too. Nobody will think less of you--and by nobody I mean no reasonable adult--if you say "I really want to be a singer, it's the thing that excites me most in life but I work as a teacher to pay the bills". See, not so tough and now you sound like you understand that life is more complicated than one word descriptions of a person's essence.
I just would love if people had some sense of themselves, and gave some thoughts to their place in the world. I like role-playing games. Does that mean if I was hanging out with Tom Hanks and Bobby DeNiro I should claim to be an actor too? Of course not, that is self-aggrandizing and insulting to them. Maybe that's a big part of my pet peeve--people who so casually insult the people around them, without knowing it. If you are going to insult someone, be deliberate. That's my move.
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